Letter: Letters: You can bet on it

From PETER SOBEY, TED MADDESS

Every year academics throughout the country spend two to four weeks
of their time writing research grant proposals to the Australian Research
Council (ARC). For many of them it is a waste of time, as only a very small
number of these proposals will receive funding. Moreover, this occurs without
the knowledge or interest of the general public who are the ultimate beneficiaries
of the success of Australian science research.

Here we present a solution to all our problems. The next national government
will put ARC funding under the control of the TAB (the tote). The ratings
of Quantum and Beyond 2000 will rival The Simpsons as eager punters seek
background material of the contending research groups. People will fight
for the last issue of New Scientist at the newsagent in search of whether
parallel computing is a surer bet than biotechnology in the lift-out form
guide. The TAB will post the odds of the competing groups, with the Research
School of Biological Sciences, Australian National University, at 1.75:1
and the Anthropology Department, University of Adelaide at 400:1.

The benefits to the country as a whole are enormous. People will continue
to indulge in their most favourite pastime – gambling. The interest in science
research by the public will soar as people seek to understand why glaucoma
research is perhaps a better utilisation of resources than heart transplants.
The revenue from the TAB will enable more research to be conducted. Scientists,
in their turn, will have to present their research in a form that the general
public can understand in order that informed betting decisions can be made.

Within ten years the country will be transformed. The finer points of
root nodulation in the absence of rhizobium will be on everyone’s lips.
Speckle interferometry will be the subject of conversation in the local
pub and atmospheric research will be the hot tip for the summer season.
Australia will indeed become the clever country. You can bet on it!

Peter Sobey Macquarie, ACT, Australia Ted Maddess Kaleen, ACT, Australia