From Nick Xavier
Michael Bond advises seeking out friendships with people of a desirable disposition while distancing oneself from less salubrious acquaintances (3 January, p 24). If, however, our behaviour and our judgement of others’ behaviour are so reliant on the emotional and intellectual milieu of large friendship networks, is this advice not more obscure than it looks?
The relative importance of certain positive traits may be based on little more than what the group currently holds in vogue. Perhaps a person with some attributes generally seen as negative may be in possession of other, rarer traits that are currently dismissed by our wider social environment but which may yet prove important. I would hazard that judging potential friends based on possible future gain could lead to others being wary of your intentions.
From Graham (full name supplied)
Bond’s advice is bad news for those who suffer from clinical depression. Often they isolate themselves, and people avoid them because of their negative disposition. Depressed people need to talk to others – and to see happy people – to effect a mood state change and to alter their negative perceptions of the world.
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If everyone followed this advice, the world would quickly polarise into happy, sociable people and lonely, suicidal depressives.
Bracknell, Berkshire, UK
From Rachel Findley
Hug a depressive today! It helps to remember that when one recovers from depression, that recovery spreads to all those who have been faithful and loving friends.
If, on the other hand, we all decided to spend less time with our depressed friends, and also to spend less time with friends who have depressed friends, those suffering from depression would become even more socially isolated, and probably more depressed.
There has got to be a better way to spread cheer in a gloomy time. Practising the body language and the words of cheerfulness is worth a try, too.
Berkeley, California, US
Amersham, Buckinghamshire, UK
